


30 Day OTP Challenge: Dirk/Equius

by ChopLogic



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, Pervert Alien Boyfriends, Smut, Tentabulges, xenobioligy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-01-03
Packaged: 2017-11-23 06:22:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 11,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/619049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChopLogic/pseuds/ChopLogic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or the Alternian title: A Series Of Quick Ficlets That Prove That The Dirk/Equius Ship Known As Robot Unicorn May Or May Not Be Consuming My Life.<br/>(the full challenge can be found here: http://ericandy.tumblr.com/post/26596382488/ )<br/>(NSFW chapters will be posted as such)</p>
<p>If you want to see more writing on a topic, drop me a comment!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Challenge 1: Holding Hands

Equius was a nervous wreck, panting and sweating and flushed all over. Dirk stood in front of him, orange gaze shaded darker with his pointed sunglasses.

“C’mon big guy, it’s not that hard,” he extended his hand once more and yet again Equius recoiled, making an unhappy mewling noise in the back of his throat.

“No, Dirk I-I can’t, not without hurting you,” he pulled his hands up to his chest protectively “I just can’t,” Dirk knew how nimble those hands were, he had seen the troll’s broad fingers hold delicate computer chips between forefinger and thumb without breaking them.

He could hold hands with his matesprit too, if he’d stop howling about it for a minute. Dirk frowned and moved forward, Equius shrunk back.

“Humor me and put a fist out,” Equius’s eyebrows quirked together and his jaw opened a little, revealing a mess of blue gums and broken teeth in a frown of confusion, “just do it, please,”

Shaking like a startled dog, he extended his hand in a textbook-perfect boxers fist. Dirk very slowly lowered his palm onto the back of Equius’s fist. He flinched when the humans pale palm pressed into the back of his glove.

Dirk pressed down, Equius complied and lowered his hand until it hung by his thigh with Dirk’s hand clasped over it. Equius stared at their joined hands like he would hurt Dirk if he looked away.

“There, that’s a start,” commented Dirk, Equius snapped his head up to look at Dirk, a big toothy grin spreading on his face.

“Heh, yes, a start indeed,”


	2. Challenge 2: Cuddling Somewhere

That last strife had taken quite a lot out of Equius, Dirk was no better. They had called it quits after the eighth round, both of them weary, breathless and grubby from fighting each other. They had showered together and helped bandage each other’s wounds and now they had fallen onto the couch for a rest.

Equius watched Dirks chest rise and fall, the white fabric tightening over his lean and muscular chest with every breath. He was smaller then Equius by a good foot and a number of pounds lighter, but he was fast.

Dirk’s Eyes fluttered open, bright eyes like molten copper glanced up at him. He shuffled closer, and then decided that that was insufficient. He got up and crawled over Equius’s lap, laying down and turning over to form a parentheses around the troll’s midsection.

Moving slowly out of fear that he might break him, Equius slid his arms under Dirk’s neck and knees, pulling him up to rest his head on the troll’s grey shoulder. Dirk’s eyes opened again, accompanied by a little pout that meant he had been dozing yet Equius had awoken him. 

Equius only smiled, bringing Dirk’s head up just that little bit more to place a gentle kiss on his forehead.


	3. Challenge 3: Gaming/Watching a Movie Together

“Dirk you will cease this f001ish leaping about business and come and fight me properly” Equius’s thumb jabbed at the buttons on his custom made controller, his character on-screen executed a number of punches and kicks that whiffed through the air.

“No, if we’re going to fight, I’ll fight however I want,” His character did in fact stop his leaping about and dashed towards Equius’s character with his sword drawn. 

“Bother…darn…sugar honey iced-DAMN!” Equius shook his controller and jabbed at the buttons as Dirk’s character landed hit after hit. The health bar ticked lower and lower, Equius gritted his teeth and leaned forward.

Three. Two. One, and Equius’s character keeled over with a scream. The screen flashed ‘PLAYER TWO WINS’. Equius sighed and dropped his head, controller slipping from his fingers to land with a thunk on the floor.

Dirk set his controller on the floor and rubbed his hand across his boyfriend-matesprits’s shoulders. Equius gave another sigh, Dirk moved his hand up the back of the troll’s head to caress the base of his broken horn, he rubbed his thumb over it’s smooth orange surface and Equius began to purr halfheartedly.

“C’mon, it’s not that bad, blue,” he grasped his horn and pulled Equius’s head up, pressing his lips to the others in a kiss. Dirk released his horn and broke off the kiss. “I said best out of three right? It’s only the first round,” Equius’s sighed and gave a little nod.

“True, let us play again, I will not be beat so easily next time,” and picked up his controller once more.

“Oh yeah? Bring it, big boy,”


	4. Challenge 4: On a Date

The warmth of the café was a nice break from the chill of the November day. Dirk asked the waitress for two hot chocolates and a grilled cheese sandwich as Equius fidgeted in his seat awkwardly.

“What’s up sweet? You’re all shaky,” Dirk asked, voice lowered to not draw attention to the troll across to him, Equius hated strangers looking at him, judging him.

“It’s nothing Dirk, nothing at all,” a blatant lie, even through Equius’s eyes were shaded with cracked sunglasses Dirk knew he was avoiding eye contact with him.

“Bullshit,” Equius snapped his attention back to Dirk, mouth opening to chastise him for his unseemly language. “Tell me,” he pressed on. Equius splayed his hands out on the table, a vain attempt to sop himself from wringing them together.

“Are you sure you want to be,” he gulped, eyes flicking about the room, “Seen with me?” the question floored Dirk.

“What? Are you crazy?” Equius shrunk back, biting his lip, “Of course I want to be seen with you, I love you so much, why would I ever not want to be seen with you?” Dirk set his hand on the table, palm up, an invitation for Equius to put his hand down on top of it, but the troll stayed where he was.

“It’s just,” he pursed his lips, “I’m not a human, not like everyone else, what w001d they think when they saw-”

“Equius,”

“They w001d talk-”

“ **Equius** ,”

“Gosh, it just tears me up inside Dirk,” He flicked his sunglasses down, revealing the fear in his eyes, the waitress came back, bearing the plated and cups of their meal. She set them down and left, Equius stared into the swirling foam of his hot chocolate.

“Equius, babe,” Dirk sighed, it hurt like glass in his lungs to see Equius like this, so broken up over little trivial things. “There is nothing you could ever do that would make me ashamed to be with you…well unless you publish our sextape,” that brought a choked laugh out of Equius; at least he was lightening up.

“Even though I’m not” his lips toyed with the word, pursing and twisting to shape the term “…Human?”

“Honey, I could care less if you were a spaghetti monster that lived under my bed, I’m in love with you no matter what” and Dirk stood, sealing their lips together in a slow kiss.

Dirk sat back, a smile on his lips and slurped his hot chocolate. A smile grew slowly on Equius’s face as well. They shared the sandwich and drank the hot chocolate, Dirk payed at the till and they left together, Dirk with his arm wrapped around his boyfriends waist and Equius with his arm draped over his matesprits shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh why do I insist on writing sad things.


	5. Challenge 5: Kissing

Maybe it was just he, grey skin, bright horns and all, that made Dirk love him. Such a loveless creature, terrifying in his beauty and crushing with his touch. Dirk was one of few that could endure both. He appeared rough, brute and dumb, but Dirk saw none, only the lovely angles of his face, the grace of his well-oiled movements and the clever spark that glinted in his eye.

He leaned over, pressing a quick kiss to his high, gray cheek. Equius glances at him out of the corner of his eye.

“What was that for?” he asked.

“Just because,” Replied the blonde.


	6. Challenge 6: Wearing Each Other’s Clothes

It was a very slow morning, Dirk had just thrown on a tank top from the floor before he left the bedroom, pants be damned. He made coffee at a snails pace, eyes heavy lidded and movements slow. There was the sound of the bead squeaking as Equius got up, the pad of feet as he walked around the bed, silence, a rip and a string of not that explicate explicatives.

Equius stumped out of the room; black tank top bearing a faded orange hat logo snared in his horns and not even a scrap to cover the rest of him. It couldn’t even fit over his horns let alone his shoulders. Dirk gave a very undignified snort.

“You appear to be wearing my shirt, Dirk,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know that this must happen quite often in the Strider & Zahhak residence, considering they both wear tank tops and all :D


	7. Challenge 7: Cosplaying

Equius didn’t quite understand the whole ‘cosplay’ idea; perhaps it was because he had horns and grey skin that made him look like he was cosplaying 24/7. Dirk on the other hand loved it.

“You nearly ready blue?” Dirk called from the bathroom.

“As I will ever be,” he shuffled his feed in his straw sandals. He wasn’t cosplaying exactly, Dirk had insisted that he should wear something more exciting then his usual top, shorts and stockings combo. He ordered a yukata online, modifying it a little once it arrived to fit the troll’s large frame.

Equius rolled his shoulders again, enjoying the weight of the fabric on his skin, and hand finding the hilt of the sword that Dirk lent him for the costume. Dirk finally left the bathroom, dressed much more loudly then Equius in a red cape with a blue wig, orange sunglasses and blue tattoos painted on his shoulders.

“Row row fight da powa,” Dirk said lamely, halfheartedly shaking a bandaged fist in the air, Equius gave a snort of laughter. The character was familiar, an older brother figure from one of Dirk’s animes about giant fighting robots. He looked very put of place beside him, red cape and all while Equius looked more like some sort of demon ronin.

“Alright, ThunderCon he we come!” said Dirk, vigor returned to his voice. We left our small apartment and locked the door, making it halfway down the hall before Equius turned to Dirk and asked,

“You do have the passes with you, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't expect Dirk to be Cosplaying Kamina from Teggen Toppa Gurren Lagann then we can't be friends.
> 
> Thundercon is supposed to be fictional, I apologize if you got you hopes up about seeing Dirk cosplay Kamina and Equius in a yukata.


	8. Challenge 8: Shopping

“How about these Eq?” and Dirk held up a bright orange pair of briefs with JUICY printed across the rear in large white letters.

“Hmm, not to may taste Dirk, but they suit you and you rear,” joked Equius, Dirk grinned and ducked back behind the rack of underwear. It was that time of year again, spring cleaning, and with that, spring purging. Their combined closets were cleared out and sorted, worn out or unfitting clothing sent to thrift shops or chopped up into scrap for Dirk’s growing number of plush creations. 

Underwear was their last stop on the list, but their tastes in underthings had them loitering around the underwear rack for quite a long time.

“How about,” Dirk was grinning widely; he slowly brought up a pair of blue briefs in dark blue, “These?” He turned them over to reveal a pair of darker blue horseshoes on the butt.

“Give me those,” and Equius extended a hand. Dirk placed them in his grey palm and Equius dropped them in the shopping cart.

“I knew you would like them,” said Dirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHA THE JUICY UNDERPANTS ARE REFERENCED LATER HAHA  
> And you know Equius would go for the horsy undies. Don't lie to me.


	9. Challenge 9: Hanging Out With Friends

“Dirky! Eq! Come in, come iinnn!” squealed Roxy when she opened the door, Dirk and Equius stepped into the small house and were greeted by a number of other guests. Karkat, Jade, Dave, Sollux, and many more were seated on sofas, armchairs, tables and even the floor.

“Strider!” called Jake, breaking off momentarily from a discussion with Aradia bout ancient ruins. 

“English,” the blonde clapped the brunette on the shoulder and gave him a sort of one arm hug, “How have you been?”

“Absoloutley smashing, and I see you’ve been rather well yourself,” giving a nod to Equius who flushed and looked elsewhere. “Come in, sit down I’ll get you a drink,” and they did, deciding to take an armchair with Dirk sitting on Equius’s lap.

“My, I haven’t seen this many trolls in one place since, well,” Equius trailed off his sentence, obviously lost in thought.

“See, aren’t you glad I took you with me,” asked Dirk,

“Always,” replied Equius, turning his face up to Dirk’s and nuzzling at his pale neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brunette Jake English lol fight me.


	10. Challenge 10: With Animals Ears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Otherwise known as: ChopLogic Has An Excuse To Write Schmaltzy Centaur Cuties With A Side Order Of Forbidden Love.

If his clan knew what Dirk did when the sun set, they would probably kill him. He was a Daywalker Centaur, pale skinned and quick on his feet, and never allowed to go out at night. But he had other plans.

The forest was thick and dark, leaves filtering the dusk’s light into dappled patches on the ground. He walked slowly, ears flicking this way and that, listening for a snapping of a twig, a breath that wasn’t his own, a hoof fall that outweighed him.

The clearing was just ahead, he doubled his pace. Equius would be waiting there for him. He trotted in, head on swivel for the large shadow of his companion, seeing none he sighed.

“Damn it, you were the one that said to be here at dusk, and now where are you?” Grumbled the blonde centaur. He had packed a bag of snacks, and now he rustled inside it, picking out a bright apple to eat.

He brushed it on his tawny-brown flank, shining the fruits red skin. He munched on it happily and pawed the ground. He didn’t hear the other centaur separate from the trees behind him and step forward, hand reaching up to brush lightly against Dirk’s flank as he stepped up to press a kiss to his pale cheek.

“Jesus, give me a heart attack why don’t you Equius,” Exclaimed Dirk, bristling all over and looking down for the apple he dropped.

“I apologize, I didn’t mean to startle you,” he walked around to face Dirk, holding onto his waist loosely and nuzzling at his neck. “I am just gad you are here,”

“You’d better be, if you had fallen horns over hooves for any other Daywalker, I wouldn’t be surprised if you found them roasting on a spit back at camp for leaving in the night,” he sniffed and did his best to wipe the dirt off his apple, “I, being the very talented centaur that I am, will never be caught,” and he tossed the apple over his shoulder, deeming it inedible. 

“Very talented indeed,” murmured Equius.


	11. Challenge 11: Wearing Kigurmis

Equius didn’t expect the door to be opened by Rainbow Dash. He was stunned into silence as his matesprit pushed up the large hood of the outfit to grin at him.

“Why are you wearing that…Outfit, Dirk?” asked Equius, stepping inside the apartment and beginning to unlace his boots.

“I’m celebrating the new season of MLP, I’m watching a bit right now,” replied Dirk, toying with the rainbow strips of felt attached to the rear of the hooded garment.

“I thought the new season didn’t come out for a few months,” commented Equius.

“Not when you have your connections,” answered Dirk, “I shook the Plushrump tree and someone with a preview of the new season who was willing to share fell out,” he beckoned Equius over to the couch, sitting and patting the sofa cushions.

“I made one for you too,” grinned Dirk and he pulled out a folded whit outfit, much like his own. Equius gripped it lightly and unfolded it.

Rarity, his favorite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like how could you NOT see MLP kigurmis being a thing that happens at the Zahhak & Strider residence.  
> And chances of Rarity being Equius's favourite pony, 100% STRONGCHANCE


	12. Challenge 12: Making Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk’s train of thought during a Black-waxing makeout session, for reference's sake, he's sitting on Equius's lap.

Hand, touch horn, hair, neck, yes neck, stay there. Goddamn. God **damn**. I almost wish Equius would ask to wax black more often. Woah hey teeth, teeth, wow teeth on my lip and pulling. Oh my god, blood, and he’s just lapping that shit up wow. Wow. Ow, damn, oh god he’s going for my neck, **he’s going for my neck.** nnnnNNNN! Jesus pogoing Christ! God I just don’t have enough. Fucking. Arms for this. Okay hand go to hair it’s my turn.

Yeha that’s right, whine for me. Gonna eat you right up like candy, my little pony. I wonder if I can. Eeehh…nearly. **YES!** Broke the skin, wow that’s blue. Okay okay, it’s still good. Shit he is just melting into me damn. Oh. Oh. **Oh.** Claws, claws in my back, wow ow. Keep going just keep going.

Okay back to kissing, welp more like throatfucking with tongues. Shit he’s going to choke me with that. Or just choke me proper, damn those hands. Oh shit oh shit oh shiiiit that’s the stuff right there holy crap I’m just nnnnNNNNN **NNN**!

Good Lord.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok he probably just blew a load in his pants.


	13. Challenge 13: Eating Ice Cream

“It’s called ice cream,” Explained Dirk, “It’s like frozen milk only better, trust me you’ll love it,” he payed and handed Equius the frozen treat. He prodded at the bag, feeling the shape of the frozen desert. 

He unwrapped it and looked it over, a tall and cylindrical pale mass on a flat stick, slightly tapered near the top. He sniffed it, the smell was faint, a sweet vanilla that was mostly overwhelmed by the cold.

“You eat it, like this,” Dirk licked his own ice cream, warm breath passing over its cool surface like a fog while he laved at it with his tongue. Equius tried to mimic the actions, tongue startlingly blue against the white of the frozen treat. 

The flavor was most intriguing, Equius lapped at it from bottom to tip, catching any drops of melting cream before they fell. He suckled the tip, wanting more of the taste, he didn’t notice however that Dirk was turning rather red beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dirk always gets frustrated and flustered by the little things.


	14. Challenge 14: Genderswapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For reference's sake, Dia = Dirk and Equela = Equius.  
> Idk where the name came from, my head just kind of farted them out. If you want to use them, go ahead and you don't need to credit me.

The door squeaked on its hinges, then slammed back with a clatter. Equela stood up from the couch and padded over to the door, her matesprit Dia was currently leaning against it, forehead pressed into the painted wood and spiked mass of blonde hair facing Equela.

“Dia? Are you alright?” she didn’t respond, she pushed her self off the door and turned, her freckled cheeks beneath her pointed sunglasses were flushed and her lip wibbled slightly. She stomped forward and buried herself into Equela’s chest.

“Furmp permpledf sevdfly,” she grumbled, voice muffled. Equela sighed and wrapped her arms around the girl.

“I cannot help you if I cannot understand you, sweet,” one of her grey hands came up to rest on Dia’s neck, thumb rubbing across the freckled flesh.

“What I said was,” Dia turned her face up to her matesprit’s, cheek smushed up against the black tank top Equela wore. “Fuck people, seriously,”

“Language,” corrected Equela, Dia made a point of flicking up her sunglasses and rolling her bright orange eyes at her. “Come, sit with me and e%plain,” Dia gave a nod and allowed herself to be carried-dragged to the couch. Equela dropped Dia onto the couch then promptly left for the kitchen.

“I’m still listening,” she called from the kitchen.

“Okay,” Dia called back, “I’m sorry I’m so grumpy right now its just that I’m on my cycle and my co-workers are being assholes and no one is buying anything off Plushrump and it’s all just a big mess of dumb,”

“Hmm,” rumbled Dia as she returned with two cups of hot chocolate in hand. Dia gladly accepted hers and leaned on her girlfriend’s shoulder when she sat.

“The guys are just being idiots, they cant even fix a car properly to save their lives and then they get angry at me when more people ask for me to look over their work,” she sighed and drank, twitching back when the hot liquid burned her tongue.

“It’s true, you are the second best mechanic I know,” Dia fixed Equela with a questioning look, she laughed, “Second only to me of course,”

Dia punched Equela in the shoulder and flumped back on the sofa, sipping at her hot chocolate more carefully.

“If they didn’t have their heads so far up their asses they could learn a thing or two,” grumbled the blonde.

“Once again true,” and the dark-haired troll placed a comforting kiss on her matesprit’s cheek.


	15. Challenge 15: Different Clothing Style

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Possibility of NSFW, the chapter is literally Equius wears a skirt (read: kilt) and Dirk has Equius on a leash and they go to a Fetish club with Dave DJing and Dirk asks Equius for a lapdance.

I was rather nervous when Dirk parked the car, smoothly nestling the Toyota in between two newer cars. He turned off the engine and looked at me, I could feel his orange eyes on me even through his dark glasses. I didn’t make eye contact with him through my own sunglasses, opting to stare ahead of me with a brittle, tense glare.

“Why so tense, sweet cheeks?” he used one of his pet names, I had a weakness for when he addressed me in endearing terms.

“It’s nothing, really” I fussed with the hem of the skirt I was wearing, “I’m just not sure I’m dressed appropriately.” I was used to wearing a skirt and full-length tights, but never out of the house. 

I was also wearing a dark blue tank top underneath a drop-stich knitted sweater; the long sections of bare, black knit revealing the deep blue of my undershirt. I shuffled my feet together, knee-high boots sliding against each other. Everything felt tight in the wrong places and loose in even more wrong places, overall setting me on edge.

And if that wasn’t enough to make me sweat, I was also wearing a collar. It was one of my favorites; a blue band of leather set on top of a black band with a silver ring at the front. 

“C’mon, you don’t look bad at all. You look gorgeous, Eq.” He reached out and swept a chunk of hair behind my long ear, giving the outer shell of my ear a gentle scratch as he did so. 

He didn’t look too bad himself; a tight, dark orange shirt that emphasized his muscles, tucked into tight black denim that was in turn tucked into the tops of a pair of lace-up boots that just met the middle of his shin. He wore his trademark pointed shades and a long black coat overtop. 

“You ready, big guy?” he asked, note of impatience in his voice. I wouldn’t be able to outwait him so I simply nodded and stepped out of the car. He did the same and then walked up to face me, coat billowing dramatically behind him.

“Alright, I’m going to put the leash on and we’re going to walk up to that door over there,” he motioned with his head “and show them we mean business,” He grinned.

“Alright then, but please do not pull too much, I do not wish to make the wrong impression,” He reached up and clipped a chain to the ring, hand sliding down its length to find the leather loop that he slipped over his right wrist.

“Sure thing, blue.” And he turned on his heel and walked in the direction of the door. I took long strides and quickly caught up with him, hovering over his right shoulder as we neared the door. 

I opened it for him and we slid inside; a slim blonde sat on a stool behind a podium, poring over a copy of Elder Gods weekly: the only guide of the Zoologically Dubious. She closed her magazine and gave a small nod as we approached. I stood at attention, legs a bit apart and hands crossed behind me; doing my best to appear imposing. 

“Welcome to Club Derse,” She said lazily as she looked over my collar and leash; her purple eyes trailing over every little detail on my person. I fought to remain impassive as my cheeks flushed.

“Fine night isn’t it,” Dirk began; the girl’s eyes left me and focused on Dirk.

“Quite, do you have a reservation?” she asked. She sat up in her seat, straightening her back and neck to show off where her shirt changed from a sheer black mesh to deep plum satin just a hand’s-span from her collarbones and the lightly scarred twin fang marks on her neck.

“Yeah, under the name Strider,” the girl looked over her list, absentmindedly taping the end of her pen on her lower lip, smudging the carefully applied black lipstick. 

“Ah yes, VIPs invited by tonight’s DJ, Knightslayer,” She scribbled and circled something, then set down her pen and waved us through. Dirk pulled lightly on the leash and began walking again. I caught up with him again, regaining my position behind his shoulder to hear him scoff,

“Knightslayer, holy crap can my little brother become any more of a tool?” I didn’t reply.

We walked through a set of velvet curtains hung in a great stone arch. The music was a bit loud but the conversation was louder; hundreds of bodies milled about, all dressed in form-revealing outfits. There were trolls and humans alike; some dancing together, others nestled in the corners of the room providing sensual dances for others. 

Dirk gave a light tug on the leash and led me over to the side of the room; he knew I wasn’t much one for dancing in crowds.

We took a little cove with plenty of cushions strewn about padded leather seats and a direct view of the dance floor. I sat and he moved to unclip the leash. I grasped his wrist lightly, stopping him.

“If you like, I can keep the leash attached to my wrist and retain the visual of being –ah- owned,” I flushed. Dirk grinned and set his hands on his hips.

“Do what ever feel right, blue. I’m off to get a drink, you want anything?” He was half turned on his heel when I replied.

“An ice water would be appreciated,” He nodded and walked off, weaving through the crowd. I looped the strap of leather onto my wrist and then I sat back in the plush cushions of the booth, spreading my legs slightly, folding my arms and closing my eyes under my dark sunglasses. I was still on edge, my blood pusher still racing in my chest.

I waited patiently, and then felt the weight of a body sit on my leg. I opened my eyes and Dirk was there, ice water in hand. I thanked him and drank greedily; the cool liquid slowed the racing in my chest and returned my composure.

“Happily Dave hasn’t lost all of his sense, he still takes requests,” he sipped his own drink; from the smell it was a Sprite. “Damn it, I still can’t get over Knightslayer, that sounds more like a death metal band then a DJ, especially if it’s my lil’ bro,”

“It seems like a STRONG name,” I commented, Dirk stood up from my knee and sat beside me, still sipping his drink. The music paused, the dancers slowed, a mic was tapped,

“Alright, this one goes out the my brother, the biggest pervert in the room,” The voice belonged to the boy at the turntables, blonde hair nearly white under the spotlights. He was pointing straight at us and I felt the eyes of the whole dance floor fall upon me. “I love you fuckface,” 

“I love you too dickmunch,” he called back. A song started, medium pace and electronic. A simple loop played, then a lower bass thrum kicked in, I felt a tug on my leash.

“You done your drink?” asked Dirk, I nodded. “Good, stand up and dance for me,” I flushed immediately, wary of the other people who could be watching. I passed a quick glance around the cove, no one else sat there but us. The dancers were once again dancing, and Dave was busy standing at his turntables doing a good zombie impression.

“Being a VIP has its perks,” said Dirk, slipping the handle of the leash off my hand and slapping my rear affectionately “Now dance for me,”

I didn’t hesitate, the music was a loop and easy enough to pick up a beat. I stood in front of him and slowly cruised my hips, bringing my hands up and crossing them behind my neck. Dirk uncrossed his legs and pulled me towards him, I straddled him and leaned in, bracing myself with one arm.

He hooked a finger in my collar, pulling me into a kiss as I continued to rock my hips forward to the beat. The music paused again, making the dancers groan unhappily.

“I can see you too canoodling back there,” said the DJ, Dirk flipped him off, then grabbed my ass for punctuation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it really good or really bad that I had begun writing a nightclub fic before I even head of the 30 day OTP Challenge?
> 
> And the song that I wrote in actually exists, it's called Medusa's Path and it's by The Prodigy


	16. Challenge 16: Morning Rituals

Dirk always got up first, that was just how it worked. He would always grab a shirt off the floor, not caring whom it belonged to or how long it had been resting there. He would make coffee and perhaps some toast. 

By then Equius would wake up and follow suite, hopefully taking one of his won shirts off the floor instead of one of Dirks, which couldn’t even fit his horns.

They would cuddle a little, sipping their coffee on the couch with the morning’s sunlight creeping through the blinds. Then it was to the shower for them, helping each other to lather their hair under the hot stream.

Dirk usually checked Plushrump after that, lounging on the couch in a towel while Equius made a proper breakfast. Dirk would take longer then he said for updating the site, so Equius would begin eating without him. 

Dirk would get dressed, join him and eat while Equius read through the paper. If Equius asked, Dirk would brush out his hair and braid it for him. They would brush their teeth, making funny faces at each other with the toothpaste foam on their lips. Dirk would bid Equius goodbye and retire to the workroom and Equius would take the car to work.

They would miss each other for the whole day.


	17. Challenge 17: Spooning

It was the middle of the night, but that was really irrelevant because currently, one Dirk Strider had one incredible stressed and sweaty Equius Zahhak to deal with. He shuddered, nearly on the verge of tears, with his arms wrapped around Dirk’s chest in a death grip.

“Hey, hey, Eq…Eq, big blue…Equius, honey what’s wrong?” Equius was now sobbing, wailing so loudly that Dirk could barely make himself heard. Equius said nothing, only squeezing Dirk tighter against him.

“Oof, jeez, crushing me to death isn’t going to help, Equius, tell me what’s up,” the troll’s arms became tighter still. Dirk waited silently, hoping to wait out Equius’s crying but also because he needed to focus on more important things like breathing.

“I-i-it was the dr-r-ea-am,” Equius’s low voice cracked and wavered, he fought to make it heard in between his choked sobs. Dirk knew about the dreams, horrible nasty things that seemed all too real to his blue-blooded lover. Never anything pleasant, just scenes of gore and death, some focused primarily on the killing and dismembering of Dirk himself in front of Equius’s eyes.

Equius’s reaction seemed like he had woken up from one of those dreams, one where Equius was incapable of moving, of shouting, of saving a dream version of Dirk and was forced to watch him die over and over, slowly, painfully, and each time calling for him to come and save him, or at least come to end his suffering quickly. Equius was only this bad when it was dreams where Dirk died.

Equius’s arms had relaxed a little, Dirk turned over in his very tight embrace and looked him in the eye. Short of shooshing and papping him, which would only incur Equius’s wrath for trespassing on his morail’s territory, Dirk held his face between his palms, pressing the soft flesh of his hands into Equius’s cheekbones.

“Equius, Equius, my pet, I’m here, and there is nothing in this world or the next or anywhere ever that could take me away from you,” he leaned close, pressing a swift kiss over his right eyebrow, then the left, “Never, ever, ever. I will always be here, always for you, always and forever,”

Equius gulped and tried to steady his breath, Dirk brushed away the dark trails of blue tears with his thumbs.

“They were taking you apart, cutting you up-p,” his voice still wavered, but he pressed on, “Red, gosh, so much b100d and they left you with me, just a head, but you kept talking and talking, saying you found someone else, saying you moved on, saying th-that you didn’-t-t want me-e-e,” another sob wracked his chest. And more dark tears spilled out of his yellow and blue eyes.

“No, no, no, not true, I’m here and I will always be here for you,” his hands moved up, brushing down Equius’s unbroken horn. A halfhearted purr started to throb in Equius’s chest. “Let go of me a little here and we’ll get comfortable again, I won’t leave this bed until the morning okay?” his horn thwacked into the heel of Dirks palm, a nod.

Equius’s arms relaxed and Dirk turned over, pressing his back into Equius. The big troll wrapped his arms around the human, pulling him even closer. He shivered, a sob still caught in his chest. Dirk took one of the troll’s great hands in his; pressing soft kisses to his grey palm and knuckles. The troll calmed and fell back asleep. Dirk did likewise, but not before whispering, to no one in particular;

“You are mine Equius, and I am yours, always and forever,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had chest pain the whole time I was writing this.  
> hhhHHHH pervert alien boyfriends give me feels.
> 
> Also, after revising it, I realized that I could be referencing Lil Hal in Equius's Dream. Welp, didn't mean to do that but what ever floats your fanfiction boat I guess.


	18. Challenge 18: Doing Something Together (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW NSFW NSFW
> 
> They're making a remote controlled choke collar together, smutty stuff happens.  
> Read on if you think you can handle it.
> 
> NSFW NSFW NSFW

“There, okay, it’s on. How does it feel?” Dirks voice came from behind me, He could feel the human’s light tough on his shoulders and back.

“Quite comfortable, actually,” my hand came up to feel the metal band closed around my neck. A bright silver ring hung off its front, a mark of being owned. I gave a little smile, ears tilting down submissively as I remembered when I first wore one.

“Alright, good,” Dirk stepped around me, my hand quickly left the ring and came to rest on my knee. “I’m going to power it up, the emergency stop button is right here if it get’s too much. Don’t you dare get ballsy and decide to tough it out, Equius, I don’t want you to end up in the emergency room again,” I gave a solemn nod.

Dirk trotted over to a computer terminal, typing in one last code before letting his finger hover over the enter key.

“You ready?” a final check, everything had to run just so for Dirk Strider, anything varying from that caused him to panic.

“Very,” I picked up the emergency stop, a small yellow and black box with a large red button. Just one press would stop everything.

“Good, okay, starting…now,” his finger pressed down on the key and a whir started at the back of the collar. 

“20% capacity, climbing” called Dirk from the computer station. Small fans were sucking in the surrounding air to fill a layer within the inside of the collar, pressing into my throat and making me gasp.

It felt wonderful.

“Collar at 45% capacity, still going up,” My vision clouded slightly at the corners, my head became light. I gripped the edge of the box I was sitting on to anchor myself, the wood splintered in my grasp as the collar pressed closer. Dirk’s voice called out another number.

“It’s at 60% capacity, I’ll stop it at 65%, blue,” I groaned, feeling heat rush downwards towards my bulge and nook.

“63, 64, 65, okay I’m pausing it here,” and the whir stopped. The collar did not deflate however. I gulped, lungs fighting for the air that they craved. I reveled in the sensation, the arousal.

The bliss, absolute bliss. 

Dirk left his station, walking over to me and removing the stop box from my hands. He gripped my good horn, sending shivers down my spine and pulling a mewl from my lips. His other hand brushed down my chest, rubbing the material of my shirt against my abdomen.

“Damn,” his fingers left my stomach and slipped under my shirt, warm points of his finger brushing my slick skin, they curled, nails dragging down my flesh and creating beautiful sparks of pain that rushed through me. I arched into his touch, my neck still held straight by my horn. He pushed my shirt up leaned me back against the other boxes behind me.

Wetting his lips with a flash of pink tongue, he bit into my chest. I arched and moaned, the sensation intensified by the collar.

“Shh-chh-chh, I’m just running tests big guy, just tests, don’t come for me just yet,” his hand released my horn to palm my chest, grasping at the muscles and digging his nails in.

Beautiful sparks of pain and pleasure arced down my spine and coiled in my gut, The collar maintained pressure, squeezing just as Dirk’s hands normally would but better. He leaned over me, hands roving over my body. I wanted to hold him but my arms were dead by my sides, I could only watch, gasp and feel what he did to me.

“Please,” I wheezed out, breath coming in shuddering gasps as he slowly started to rub at me. “Please,”

“You are just aching for it huh?” I gave as much of a nod as I could, head feeling like it would fall of my shoulders if I tried to hard. “Damn,” he took his fingers away, much to my disappointment, only to slip them under my shorts and press inside.

He scissored his digits inside me, slow and teasing, pressing to the walls of my nook that flexed around them. My bulge slithered out; wrapping itself around his wrist in an attempt to find friction, find release. A leer spread across his face and he gripped it, giving it a short, strong pump.

With a shout I came, genetic material spilling inside of my shorts. Dirk mumbled a curse and removed his hands from my body. He pressed down on the stop button and the collar emptied with a hiss, leaving the metal band feeling too loose on my neck.

I came to my senses, the flush of embarrassment darkening my cheeks. Dirk wiped the blue material off his fingers with an oily rag, looking at me with the leer still painted on his face. My pants were ruined, blue material cooling between my thighs and dripping to the floor.

“Pretty successful test run I’d say” he dropped the now blue-stained rag on the counter. “But we’re going to have to work on that stamina of yours,” he chuckled and stepped forward to undo the collar.  
“Yes, more testing is necessary,” I licked my lips, “Perhaps another test run in half an hour?” Dirk paused fingers gripping the latch system at the back of the collar. He bent his head around to press a kiss to my temple.

“Sure thing big guy, all in the name of science,”


	19. Challenge 19: In Formal Wear

“Bluh, I look like a tangerine that got eviscerated in a snow bank,” Dirk whined, adjusting and readjusting his tie.

“I think you look quite stylish,” replied Equius as he adjusted the cuffs of his dress shirt.

“Yeah well that’s because you’re not the one in the orange and white suit, you have a nice black and blue one and I just look like a fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt cup,”

“Do not doubt Kanaya, she wouldn’t of picked those colors for you unless she was sure they suited you,” He flicked up his collar and tied his own tie, he fumbled with it for a minute then Dirk walked over and did it for him.

“How long are we going to be at this party?” asked Dirk, carefully sliding up the knot and folding down his boyfriends collar.

“Only for a couple hours, the time will fly as they say,” he replied, bringing his hands up to straighten Dirk’s coat on his shoulders.

“Good, I don’t think I can deal with looking like this for longer then five hours,” he grinned, “C’mon, let’s get this show on the road,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tangerine suit rears it's orange and white head later, just saying.


	20. Challenge 20: Dancing

“Are you ready Dirk?”

“Eehh, not exactly,”

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m not digging the man-skirt,” Equius sighed and turned from the stereo, hands wrapped in bandages planted on his hips. Dirk pulled at the fabric of his comballet skirt, it nearly brushed the ground and it was held in place with a wide leather belt that covered his abdomen.

“You 100k fine,” Equius replied,

“I can feel a draft,” Persisted Dirk.

“You’ll warm up soon enough, lets begin,” Equius closed the topic when the first note of the song played through the speakers. He sunk into a low stance and waited for Dirk. Dirk took up a high stance and began. 

A leap with arms coming to bear at Equius’s chest, the troll spun to dodge and threw his hands out at the human’s side. The blonde flipped over dark-haired one’s hands, a grin passing over his face before landing behind him. 

“Comballet suits you Dirk,” panted Equius, turning to face Dirk once more.

“I still don’t dig the skirt,” replied Dirk as Equius rushed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comballet it a thing that exists, shush, it's hand-to-hand-combat + ballet.  
> And yes they have to wear skirts.


	21. Challenge 21: Cooking/Baking

It wasn’t the most glorious cake to be crafted, but it would do. Jane would be horrified at the slightly lopsided chocolate wreck, but Equius said that it was perfect. 

He directed Dirk to ice it, fearing that if he tried there would be only more mess to clean up. He did his best to make gentle sweeps with the dark green icing, frowning whenever a peak was made.

He made a design on the cake in a lighter shade; a grinning, double-mouthed kitty face leering up from the icing. 

“It’s perfect, Nepeta will be thrilled,” beamed Equius, “Thank you so much Dirk,” and he wrapped the small human up in a cuddly hug.

“You’re welcome man, it’s the least I could do for her Wriggly Day,”

“Wriggling Day,” corrected Equius.

“Okay, so I’ll box this cake up and you can take it with you, just make sure to put it in the passenger seat to keep an eye on it,” concluded Dirk as he pulled a small flat of cardboard out from underneath the sink and began to fold it into a box.

“There is no way I w001dn’t,” replied Equius.


	22. Challenge 22: In a Battle Side By Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So they turned on all of their sparring drones at once and set them to kill...

“Okay, probably shouldn’t have done that,” commented Dirk as the first drone powered up, fixing the pair with an orange-red glare

“Yes, our idea did skip the planning process entirely,” Equius balled his fists and bought them up, eyes flicking beneath his glasses to assesse the number of functional robots in the room; there were nearly thirty and a couple more on top of that in various states of repair.

“Is there any way to turn them off now?” Dirk asked, spitting out a quick sword-related rap the take out his katana, and leveling it at the nearest robot and waiting for it to attack.

“No, the drones will rush us as a pack and attempt to kill us,” more bots closed in on Equius’s side. “You deactivate them by destroying their heads,”

“Well this is going to be fun,” snarked Dirk, sarcasm obvious in his voice.

“We are going to be quite sore in the morning,” grumbled Equius as the first bot leapt for him.


	23. Challenge 23: Arguing

Human anger was strange, it could fluxuate between people, but it was the farthest thing from caliginous romance.

“You are a nasty, stuck up asshole who only wants!” Yelled Dirk, “God, I just HATE you some times,” he had come home unhappy and had found the house slightly out of order, he flew into a rage, pointing out every little thing in the house that was incorrect. “I ask for something, THEN IT DOESN’T GET FUCKING DONE,” he continued.

He wanted to step forward, hold and console the red-faced human until he calmed. He wished he could fix things, step back and rearrange before he blew through the door to tell him he was wrong.

It was broken, and it hurt, and Equius couldn’t do anything to fix it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Equius wouldn't talk back, he would just take it. Human hate is far different from troll hate and he can't exactly draw a line between the two so he would just stand there and take abuse. 
> 
> Welcum 2 sad headcanonz w/ AO3 User ChopLogic.


	24. Challenge 24: Making Up Afterwards

I had rolled up into a little ball of self-hate and anger after my one-sided shout at Equius. God I felt like the biggest asshole to ever walk the face of the earth. Equius tried to fix everything, bless his heart, but sometimes he ignores some things so he can go on fixing.

It wasn’t anything too big though, the milk was out on the counter, dishes weren’t put back, the Disney dvd’s from last night were still on the table. All little things, fixable things, and I had to be on my worst day to stomp around and point it all out.

I squished Cal closer to my chest, his gold chain clinking softly. He didn’t come out very often any more, he lived in the bottom drawer of the dresser and he only came out when I couldn’t go to Equius.

It was one of those days. Cal had listened to me just like he had when I was younger. No back talk, just soft, neutral silence. An accepting silence. I wished he could talk; he could help me out here. When I was younger I used to flash step around the room, making Cal stand and open his mouth, wave and grin, even do a little dance now and again, but never speak. He would probably offer good advice, something along the lines of “You done fucked up, it’s your responsibility to unfuck up,”

Fucking Sage words from the puppetbro.

I stood up, pressing two quick kisses to Cal’s red cheeks and closing his eyes to put him back in his drawer. I stood and walked out to the living room, Equius was smoothing the felt mane of the horse I had made him, meticulous in his work, careful not to tear anything.

I cleared my throat, alerting him of my presence. He turned and stood, sort of waling forward but stopping an arms length away.

“I’ve fixed things,” he said, voice small and very quiet, “I’ve put everything back where it’s supposed to and tidied,” I didn’t care really, the milk could stay out for as long as Equius liked and the dishes could always be put away later.

“I’m sorry I lost it, big guy,” I scuffed my socked foot on the floor. “Had a rough day, shouldn’t of taken it out on you,” silence. “I’m an idiot, I’m sorry if I hurt you,” more silence.

He stepped forward and bumped chests with me, then carefully lowered his arms around my shoulders, a brief squeeze and a rest. A cautious hug. I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed as well.

“You may be an idiot Dirk Strider,” he rumbled “but you are my idiot,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah suddenly Cal.


	25. Challenge 25: Gazing Into Eachother's Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a bit sort of kinda NSFW, like Equius is wearing a collar so it might come off a s little risque so yeha,  
> watch out.

Blue, blue, such an inky dark blue. Dirk just wanted to drown in those pools forever. The posture collar prevented Equius from looking away, so he could only look at Dirk with those true blue eyes of his. Honest eyes, so expressive and a dead giveaway to Equius’s mood. Now they showed submission, an eagerness to please, and love. Always love when Dirk looked at him.

“You’re so beautiful babe,” murmured Dirk, pressing a hand up to Equius’s cheek. He couldn’t reply, he was told to remain quiet and he would stay like that until Dirk said otherwise. He nuzzled into the human’s soft palm, a show of affection.

“My beautiful blue stallion,” he continued, the praise made Equius flush. And look away to the extent the collar would let him. 

Dirk’s eyes were intense, Equius always felt humbled when he looked into them, like he was looking into the eyes of a god. Such an intense yellow-orange, low on the hemospectrum but richer then gold. Even with his beautiful eyes shaded darker with sunglasses they still cut in and threw his whole body though a loop.

He looked back, moment passed and reconnected with those godly eyes.

“Ready to keep going?” asked Dirk, a nod, “Good. Buck up little pony, it’s time to play,”


	26. Challenge 26: Getting Married

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a quick fic idea written down beforehand, don't judge.  
> AND BEHOLD, THE RETURN OF THE TANGERINE SUIT OF ULTIMATE CHEESYNESS.

“You ready?” asked Dave, Dirk readjusted his tie again, nervous, although his face was impassive.

“As I’ll ever be little bro,” he sighed, Dave walked up to him and stood beside him in the mirror. Dave in a plain black suit with a black shirt and white tie, a small, white broken record on his breast. Dirk was once again wearing the white and orange suit, a few minor adjustments made to suit the occasion.

He was getting married today.

“C’mon, I think they’re going to start any minute now, I’m the one walking your dumb ass down the aisle remember?” he pulled on his cctobrother’s arm, directing him to the door.   
“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” he let himself be pulled along by the smaller Strider. Today was the day, he was bidding goodbye to bachelor life in exchange for his boyfriend; his beautiful, grey skinned, horned, sweaty alien boyfriend.

“And now we wait here until the music starts, and we walk in, down the aisle, to the front, I’ll hand you off to Sweaty McUnihorn and then you do the deed and you’re done,” Explained Dave, absentmindedly scratching at the growing stubble on his cheek.

“Don’t call Equius Sweaty McUnihorn, and did you even bother shaving today?” snapped Dirk.

“I’m trying to grow a beard, It’s going to look sick,” replied Dave, grinning and rubbing at the near-invisible blonde hair s on the lower portion of his face.

“Sick? More like terminally ill,” muttered Dirk, Striders did not have faces that could bear beards; there would be no space between their radical shades and their manly facewarmers for much else.

The familiar song of the organ began, the doors opened, Dave began walking. Dirk took long strides to catch up. Regaining his composure. Equius was facing away from him up at the front, back straight and shoulders level, waiting to see Dirk for the first time that day. He had insisted he was the blushing bride and he stuck to the old custom; the groom wasn’t allowed to see the bride until the wedding.

Nepeta and Jake, smartly dressed in suits, were waiting at attention off to Equius’s right. Jane, Roxy and Aradia stood on the other side, in simple white dresses holding bouquets of artificially orange and blue flowers.

The song ended and there was a squeak as John pushed his seat back from the organ and the patter of feet as he joined Jake and Nepeta. Dave paused, pulling Dirk to face him.

“I love you bro,” and he passed a very manly kiss to Dirk’s cheek, “This is your day man, it’s you day to make it happen,” he gave a big goofy grin and turned to Equius, tapping him on his shoulder to get his attention. His smile dropped and he spoke seriously;

“You do wrong by my bro and you can grantee that you’ll get a Strider-style ass-whopping courtesy of me,” Equius nodded while Dirk chastised his ectobrother for swearing in a church.

Dirk slid his arm into Equius’s instantly relaxing when he felt the smooth curve of muscles against his arm. Dave nodded and left for his seat, leaving his brother standing with the troll.

Equius looked better then usual, perhaps he had paid more attention to his hair this morning, or maybe he had grown in some new teeth. Whatever it was, Dirk kept looking at him out of the corner of his eye as the minister read his lines.

The procession was quick; they both said ‘I do’, although Equius choked a little at the whole until death do you part bit. The whole place cheered when they kissed, Equius sweeping Dirk into a low French dip.

“I’m going to grow old with you, Equius Zahhak-Strider,” Dirk said as they walked down the aisle together; hand on fist with the whole room cheering behind them.

“I w001d e%pect nothing else, Dirk Strider-Zahhak,” replied Equius.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhHHHHH Equius would be so sad at the "Until death do you part" bit, he's going to outlive Dirk 10fold and he's going to be all sad and alone without him hhhhhh no bby come here let me snuggle you ;-;


	27. Challenge 27: On One of Their Birthday's (Equius's Birthday)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE RETURN OF THE 'JUICY' UNDERWEAR, HUZZA!

Wriggling days were days of somber reflection, but on earth, Birthdays, as they were called, were days of celebration and gift giving. It had started with Equius waking up with Dirk snuggled close and facing Equius’s chest with his blonde head tucked underneath Equius’s chin.

Equius loved this, made him feel strong and protective, and above all, needed. Dirk was equally strong and quite independent, favoring long hours alone then going out to socialize. When he did open up like this it made him glow with pride.

His orange eyes peeked open, blinking up to connect with Equius’s own dark blue gaze.

“Morning, blue,” and endearing term that Dirk used quite often and also yet another thing to add to the list of ‘Things Dirk Strider Did To Equius Zahhak That Made Equius Zahhak Incredibly Flushed For Dirk Strider’.

“Good morning, little prince,” and he shifted his head down to place a kiss on his head and nuzzle into his hair. Dirk always smelled pleasant to Equius, always some form of citrus and spice scent lacing his pale locks. Dirk loved this about Equius, little things that Equius did just made his heart burst into a schmaltzy mess in his chest.

“I’m gonna make you some breakfast, It’s your birthday after all,” Dirk sat up and stretched, then swung his les out of the bed and stood. He pivoted on his heel, penis slapping against his thigh lightly as he did so.

Equius raised an eyebrow; Dirk quirked one back at him. He fished in the bed and pulled out a pair of orange briefs with ‘JUICY’ printed across the rear in big letters. Dirk pursed his lips and snatched the pair of underpants off the troll’s grey fingers.

“Okay fine, I’ll wear pants” Equius smirked, as tempting as the thought of his boyfriend-matesprit wearing nothing but an apron feeding him breakfast in bed was, he disregarded it. “So what do you want for breakfast, Eq?”

“Perhaps eggs and toast?” eggs were one of his favorite foods, good source of protein and they didn’t come from any hooved animal. Dirk nodded and strode out of the room whistling. Equius didn’t have too long to wait, in a couple minutes they were seated with a fair sized breakfast in front of them. 

Friends started to arrive after the meal was finished; First Nepeta bearing a tasteful wall scroll with a painted image of a galloping horse, far better then Equius’s original hoofbeast pictures. Equius blushed as he remembered his room décor at six sweeps, crude and not befitting a noble blueblood, this was a far better wall decoration.

Next was a parcel from Kanaya and Rose, a knitted dildo cozy with a new vibrating dildo inside. Dirk was the one to flush this time, enjoying the quality of the knitting and the dildo; he whispered a promise to Equius that they would use it that night.

After that was a gift from the English/Harley residence, a new casserole dish and a gift card to a kink shop in town. Both Equius and Dirk agreed that Jade must of slipped the card in, considering Jake always turned a blind eye to their bedroom sexcapades.

Dave stopped by briefly; dropping off a couple of VIP passes to one of his DJ sets at a local dance club, Club Derse. He left promptly after he saw his ectobrother grab Equius’s rear and murmuring a phrase about how his ass would look great in tight leather pants and Equius replying with a nip on his freckled skin that he would only wear them if Dirk would later take them off with his teeth.

More gifts came, Rainbow Dash and Rarity shirts, a new set of wrenches, freebie passes to movies and meals, and the list went on and on. There was one last gift to be given however, after supper Dirk brought out a large box and set it in front of Equius.

He opened it with the utmost care, brushing the tissue paper with the back of his hands to reveal the first layer of gifts; a new pair of fistmitts, a bit and bridal. He marveled at the craftsmanship, turning each accessory over in his hands. He tried on a mitt; it fit him perfectly while other that he had tried earlier with Dirk couldn’t even be closed around his wrist. 

He delved deeper into the box, revealing yet another layer; this one comprised of a pair of Equine boots and a custom set of vibrators, some with a faux horsehair tail attached. 

“Now there’s one more layer here, and I want you to know that I made this just for you, Equius, it should fit you and only you,” Dirk rested his chin on his hands, a cheery smile on his face as he watched Equius unwrap the last layer.

A full set of black leather tack lay in the bottom of the box. Memories flashed in Equius’s head; Dirk’s month long quarantine in the workroom, forbidding Equius from even touching the door and only ever coming out to eat and sleep. The emptied boxes labeled Rush Delivery and all other tags ripped off. Dirk was a great craftsman, turning a pile of felt and foam into his oddly shaped plushies within the hour, his leatherwork even exceeded that.

A dribble of tears welled in the corner of Equius’s eyes as he brushed his fingers over the supple black leather, heavy rolling buckles and polished brass rings that held them together.

He nearly crushed Dirk in a hug, pressing firm kisses all over his neck and pulling him closer and closer to his chest.

“Hcg-Eq, may want to lay off a little buddy-Nngh- I don’t really want to feel my shoulders grinding in their sockets,” Equius released him, wiping happy tears off his face and grinning like an idiot. Dirk brought a palm up to Equius’s grey cheek, brushing the blue bags under his eyes with his thumb. Equius hiccupped, a high squeaky noise the made him blush. Dirk only laughed and leaned his forehead in to rest against Equius’s.

“It’s just you and me tonight, you and me and all this, would you like to try it on fist?” Equius nearly leapt out of his chair in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the VIP passes came from from Challenge 15.  
> Dirk didn't agree to pull off Equius's pants with his teeth tho ;-; no leather-clad Equi-butt.


	28. Challenge 28: Doing Something Ridiculious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *tears heart out of chest* *Rubs is messily against keyboard* *places back in chest*   
> There, that's challenge 28 done :D

It’s a strip of photographs, one of the kinds you can get for $4 from one of those booths in the forgotten corners of malls.

There’s an orange screen over the backlight on the first picture, Dirk is sitting in Equius’s lap and both of their faces impassive, they have however switched sunglasses.

The second has a blue screen over the backlight, Dirk is still in Equius’s lap but now he has his own sunglasses on. His head is leaning back onto Equius’s shoulder and he is smiling lazily up at the troll. Equius is smiling down at him.

The third had an orange screen again, and Dirk and Equius have positioned themselves very close to the camera and have made funny faces. Dirk’s eyes are crossed and he’s sticking his tongue out with a sneer pulling at the left side of his upper lip. Equius is a bit farther back with his eyebrows drawn sharply together and head brought back into his neck, making multiple rolls of grey skin at his neck. His chin is jutting forward with his lower teeth pressed against his upper lip. Neither of them are wearing their sunglasses.

The last is of them kissing with a blue background, a sweet slow kiss that went on for another ten seconds after the picture was taken. Their eyes are closed and one of Equius’s arms is wrapped protectively around Dirk’s shoulders as if to say ‘He’s mine’. One of Dirk’s hands is grasping at Equius’s arm, a wordless statement of ‘He belongs to me’.

It’s a strip of photographs, one of the kinds you can get for $4 from one of those booths in the forgotten corners of malls.


	29. Challenge 29: Doing Something Sweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha ha I hate formatting.

Dirk would be out of town for four days, it was only the second day and Equius was lonely. He rewatched his favorite episodes of MLP and Dragon Ball Z, fixed some of his sparring drones for later use, and even categorized his shirts by color.

He was lonely but at the same time he was bored. A deadly combination. His computer pinged, a message from Dirk; Equius dove for his computer to read it.

**Hey big guy, you must be getting pretty bored by now, I’m still out at Jake’s farm but there’s somebody I’d like you to meet who might be able to brighten up your day. Your firs clue to finding him is ‘crop’, have fun sweetheart.**

**-Dirk**

Crop, well that was easy. He stood and walked to their bedroom, opening the large closet they shared and looking up to the three cardboard boxes at the top. There were their toyboxes; they came out at night for some good, naughty fun.

He pulled down the one marked VIBES & CROPS and opened it; there were a large assortment of vibrators and paddles inside. He smiled as memories bubbled up about each one he took out. He emptied the box and looked inside, investigating the sides and bottom thoroughly. 

There was no note for him. Equius snarled and looked again, still nothing, he grumbled unhappily and repacked the box, almost missing the bright pink sticky note that was stuck to the inside of the lid.

It said ‘robots’, an easy clue. He placed the box back in the closet and walked into the workroom. He opened every chest compartment and looked in every wire-spewing head in the room. A bright green note was folded up in an empty eye socket, he opened it carefully.

‘Milk’, said the note and Equius was off to the fridge. He had had a couple of glasses of milk already that day, so it was a surprise that he hadn’t noticed the pale blue note stuck to the side. ‘PlushRump’, the name of Dirk’s well maintained smut site. I opened my computer and gingerly typed in the address, I steeled my nerves as the site loaded.

The blue drew my attention first, large gradient swaths on either side, framing the site’s provocative content. I turned my head and squinted, a section of the gradient was darker for no apparent reason, I looked closer.

H  
E  
L  
L  
O

E  
Q  
U  
I  
S,

C  
H  
E  
C  
K

T  
H  
E

P  
I  
L  
E.

It read. I closed the browser and stood up from the couch. Taking two long strides, I positioned myself in front of the blanketed pile Dirk had made with his various smuppet creations. I whisked off the blanket and saw the neatly wrapped gift immediately.

I picked it up and repositioned the blanket, leaning back on the plushest of rumps to unwrap the creamy tissue paper. The paper almost unfolded by itself, revealing a plush blue horse made in the same style as Dirk’s smuppets.

I awed and cooed at it, brushing it’s felt mane as I removed the small card from its neck.

Equius,  
I made him just for you, hell I even washed the foam inside him with my shampoo so he smells like me, so you can have a little bit of me with you while I’m away. I’ve double sewn all the seams so even if you snuggle-crush your new friend into a mass of diamonds, he won’t break.   
I love you, babe, and I’m sorry I’m not there to see the look on your cute face.

-Dirk <3

He stayed tucked in my arm for the rest of the day, and I paused every now and then to sniff the familiar citrus and spice scent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE ORIGIN STORY OF THE BLUE PLUSHIE HORSE.


	30. Challenge 30: Doing Something Hot (NSFW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW NSFW NSFW
> 
> Dominant Equius and nookeating because why not.  
> Ha ha ha, I do what I want.
> 
> NSFW NSFW NSFW

“What, not even going to let me digest before we take it to the bedroom then?” Dirk was kidding of course, he didn’t at all mind that Equius had walked up behind him and slipped a dark orange collar around his neck, complete with a leash. Supper was done and the dishes were clean, the rest of the night was free, unlike Dirk.

“Never my pet,” Dirk pressed a little chaste kiss to Dirk’s cheek before twitching his leash forward, “Come,” he said, voice sinking into a low purr. Dirk followed; smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. It was rare that Equius took up the role as master, bending Dirk to suit him instead of the other way around. It was good control training for Equius too, he had to grab and hold without hurting too much. He did hurt Dirk a little anyways, but he liked it rough every so often so it all evened out.

Equius turned on his heel, finger hooking in the hem of Dirk’s shirt,

“Are you in any way attached to this shirt? Emotionally or otherwise?” He asked, inky eyes almost glowing in the dim light of their bedroom.

“Not since I last checked,” Replied Dirk, “Sir,” he added after a menacing eyebrow quirk from Equius.

“Good,” concluded Equius who then tore down the front of the shirt with his finger, a trick learned from Dirk, the only trouble was the thick collar, the rest ripped apart easily. Equius pushed his shirt off and pulled him close, ratcheting his jaw back only to sink it into the pale flesh of Dirk’s shoulder.

Dirk groaned and pressed his shoulder in more, wanting too feel more of his teeth in his skin. Equius lapped up the blood, humming happily. Terezi was right, red did taste good.

He removed his teeth from the blonde’s skin, licking the blood off his lips slowly. He dabbed his finger into the fresh wound and wrote across Dirk’s chest in large capitals ‘MINE’. Dirk grinned momentarily before Equius caught his chin and forcing him to make eye contact. 

“You belong to me for tonight, and you not hesitate to follow my orders,” he squeezed a little, smiling cruelly as Dirks hands came up to stop him but fell back to his sides, he knew his place. He released Dirk’s jaw and walked around him, sitting back on the bed and taking off his own shirt.

“Kneel,” Dirk sunk down, “Now with hands and knees” and he sunk lower still, “Crawl towards me, pet,” And Dirk obeyed, taking as graceful steps as his stance would allow. He came up to Equius, rubbing his face affectionately against the inside of his thigh. “My my, if I didn’t already have plans for tonight I would have you in a full harness and parade you around the room like the good little showpony you are,” he twined his fingers through Dirk’s soft hair.

“There is still time to decide, sir,” Dirk stopped nuzzling to smile up at Equius, “Weather you wish to train me, or use me tonight,” he smiled as well, but it was short lived.

“No, I have already decided. Undo my pants, do it with your mouth, I want to see you put that silver tongue of yours to work,” He nodded and gently bit the fabric of his pants. He tossed his head and the button came undone, his tongue flicked out and caught the zipper between his canine teeth, pulling it down slowly.

Equius barely held in a groan, seeing Dirk like this, the master bowing before the pet, made Equius feel powerful. He was a blueblood, noble and strong, he was a conqueror and all others were to bow before him.

“Shall I take off your pants?” asked Dirk, Equius nodded and lifted his hips; Dirk slid his pants off his hips and thighs, pulling them off Equius’s ankles and folding them neatly. The blue slit of his seedflap and bulge faced Dirk, but he waited for the command.

“Eat. It.” Equius ordered, And Dirk leaned forward, hands on knees to balance himself; he wasn’t allowed to touch with anything but his tongue. “And hands behind your fff-fucking back, slave,” the swear felt strange in Equius’s mouth, the word so foreign yet so powerful.

Dirk obeyed with a smirk and leaned forward once again, He went straight in, not bothering with the teasing and kissing that drove Equius wild. He lapped at the near-ripe berry taste, silver tongue piercing pressing just enough in all the right places. Equius slid a hand around Dirk’s neck and pressed him closer.

“I said eat it, not taste it, pet,” Dirk sort of nodded and redoubled his efforts, humming a nonsense tune to increase sensation. With a groan, Equius’s bulge unsheathed itself, pressing itself into Dirk’s hair and writhing about trying to gain friction, staining his fine hair with blue fluid. Dirk sat back momentarily, regaining his breath and uncrossing his arms.

“Sir, would you allow me to palm your bulge as I service you?” always so polite when he addressed Equius, the blueblood couldn’t say no. “Thank you sir,” and he leaned forward once again, hand up to intercept the writhing bulge. The blue-flushed bulge entwined itself around the human’s slim fingers.

He began a rhythm of squeezing and readjusting his hand, mimicking the twisting motion of another bulge. Equius groaned and crooned, Dirk continued to service him. His bulge leaked and his nook clenched, he was close.

“Pail,” he gasped and dirk quickly disengaged, flashstepping to retrieve a bucket ant positioning it before Equius. He came and Dirk disposed of the genetic material. He walked back into the room, collar still on his neck, and carefully lapping up the last traces of blue material off his fingers.

“That was…” Equius was at a loss for words; having Dirk service him was always a treat. Dirk paused, blue-stained tongue pressed against the pad of his thumb.

“Perhaps some pony training?” a pause “Sir?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand that's all folks!  
> Remember to drop me a comment if you want more writing on a topic or you have a prompt for me to use :D


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